


We need a Bat themed naming scheme

by Sinshipsahoy



Category: Batman - All Media Types
Genre: Fluff, Gen, kind of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-15
Updated: 2019-08-15
Packaged: 2020-09-01 11:58:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 683
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20257747
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sinshipsahoy/pseuds/Sinshipsahoy
Summary: A little one shot about how Batman’s things got their name.





	We need a Bat themed naming scheme

Batman was all about labels. Everything- every _single_ thing- had a name and a place and a time. To be clear, Robin took no issue with the particularity, except the names Batman gave things were so....boring. 

Hanging upside down on the pull up bar in the manor’s gym, he broached the subject.

“This is not a priority, Dick.”

“Well, it’s not _not_ a priority, either. We’re cool vigilantes- ergo, we should have cool names for things.”

“It’s a cave.”

“It’s _the_ cave! The premier of secret hideouts- Batman’s cave.”

It may have been the blood rushing to his head, but Dick’s eyes sparkled with delirium.

“The _Batcave!_”

Bruce stopped mid-swing to look at him.

“No.” 

Dick handsprung on over and stopped inches from Bruce, on tiptoes.

“Yes.”

Bruce’s eyes fluttered shut in that I’m-loosing-patience kinda way. Good thing Dick didn’t care. 

“I just- the Batcave?”

“Well, you are Batman, so” Dick shrugged, “keep the bat theme.”

Bruce raised a brow. 

“Yea,” Dick continued, growing excited (more excited, anyway), “We have the batcomputer, with your batplane and bat.._car_? Actually, I don’t like that- we’ll get back to that- but um but um-“

He chirped a long like this for a little while before Bruce cut him off.

“You gonna start calling yourself Batboy then?”

“Ew- _god_ no. That’s gross.”

Bruce took a deep inhale. 

_Batcave_. 

————————

Batman always said that good strategy was just preparing for what you could foresee. Once viewed as wise and ancient advice, Dick now chalked it up to mean “shit happens”. 

Shit, in this particular instance, took the form of his mentor being knocked unconscious by a rogue pipe, wielded by a rogue person.

Fortunately, it was a hit and run sort of thing. Unfortunately, Robin was now tasked with getting him and Batman out of here if or when they showed up for round two. 

The autobat (he really had to work on that) was parked out front after Robin called for it via a tracker- a _bat_tracker. It was essentially the same idea as a remote control car, Batman said. Press of a button, and it’d come to them. 

That was all well and good, but that didn’t change the fact that he now had to drag a full grown man from point A to point B without throwing his back out. 

Robin huffed, squatting down- lift with your legs and all that- and maneuvered his hands underneath Batman’s armpits. With a grunt, he was off, dragging Gotham’s defender out of a worn down warehouse and on to the pavement.

“Come on, big guy,” Robin heaved, “You got this. Here we go.”

He paused only to press another button, causing the car’s door to pop open. 

Seeing as there was no way to lift Bruce’s body, Dick opted instead to climb into the car backwards, dragging Batman with him. Then he climbed back over, pulling the lead weights that were Batman’s legs and tucking were they belonged. A few minor adjustments later, and Batman was more or less in a seated position in the passenger side. 

Taking a triumphant breath, Robin gripped the steering wheel. 

“I can’t drive.”

Cruel luck, really. Or it would have been, had the car not started speaking to him. 

“Driver recognized,” said the Battywagon, “Hello, Robin.”

Cool. Car could talk. 

“Hiya.”

“Would you like to engage auto-drive mode?”

“Umm...okay.”

“Please state destination.”

“Oh, uh, home?”

“Location not recognized.”

He almost asked for Wayne Manor, but that’d be too risky. On the off chance paparazzi were camped out front, their identities would be compromised. 

“The cave.”

“Location not recognized.”

“What? The cave!”

“I’m sorry, I don’t know what you mean.”

“Yes, you do!” He pleaded, slamming the steering wheel. “You do! Headquarters, HQ, the hideyhole-“

“Please state destination.”

“The fuck- the batcave!”

“Setting coordinates for the Batcave.”

Wait..._what_? 

Dick looked at the GPS screen, worried it was going to the wrong place. Sure enough, the car was headed to the Batcave. Their Batcave. 

He turned to the slumped figure next to him, breaking into a wide smile. 

Batman’s Batcave. 

**Author's Note:**

> If anyone’s interested, I’ve opened up fic commissions. Please dm me on Twitter @RaveThebird or email me @thepandahero123@gmail.com
> 
> In any case, thank you for reading!


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